coworker despatched me his racy images web page, do I would like to offer my coworkers presents, and extra — Ask a Supervisor

It’s 4 solutions to 4 questions. Right here we go…

1. Coworker despatched me his images web page — and it’s largely racy portraits of girls

I’m a girl in my late twenties and I work at a completely distant firm of about 250 individuals, though we get collectively for occasions a couple of times a yr and see one another at commerce reveals. Due to this, though I’ve labored right here for seven months, I’ve met most of my coworkers on different groups solely as soon as, at a multi-department, multi-day occasion a number of months in the past.

I joined one other (all-male) staff’s weekly assembly to current a undertaking I had labored on for them. Throughout my presentation, one of many members I had met in the course of the massive occasion despatched me a “good to see you once more!” message, and I responded to it after the assembly with “nice to see you too!” He then adopted up with “do you know I do images in my spare time?” with an Instagram hyperlink. Though I used to be slightly doubtful, I clicked on it hoping it could be nature pictures … it was not. The overwhelming majority of the (to my untrained eye, fairly good? I assume?) photographs are of girls, and whereas some are simply common headshots, some are tasteful nudes, in lingerie, or simply … fairly sexual? I really feel deeply uncomfortable and am unsure the best way to proceed. There’s additionally presumably a cultural or language disconnect — I’m American and he’s Northern European and never a local English speaker.

As I see it, I may message him again straight, speak to my boss (who’s superb and I might really feel snug speaking about this with), or progress on to some kind of HR report, which I really feel like can be a giant escalation with out discussing with him straight, however I additionally … don’t need to reply in any respect. We’ve by no means even talked about images earlier than! Why did he ship me this? I really feel so uncomfortable! How would you proceed?

Ugh. He despatched it to you as a result of he doesn’t care about boundaries and he’s getting one thing out of sending you a web page with nude photographs. It’s not about his images pastime; you don’t even know him and he introduced it up out of completely nowhere, with no context the place it could be related. I’m certain he thinks he has believable deniability as a result of it’s his “pastime,” however he doesn’t.

I utterly get not eager to take care of it, and also you’re not obligated to in the event you’d reasonably simply ignore it. It’s exhausting having to tackle the labor of responding to these things. However in the event you do need to say one thing, personally I’d reply with, “WTF dude? You simply despatched me a web page with nude photographs. Completely inappropriate for work.” (Adapt language as wanted to suit your personal fashion.) After which I’d ahead it to my boss in case it’s a part of a sample. Should you’d reasonably simply do the final half, that’s advantageous too — it’s completely cheap to switch this burden to your boss to take care of reasonably than you having to be the one that stresses over what to do about it.

2. How you can keep away from fixed questions from job candidates who haven’t but been invited to interview

I’m concerned in recruitment for my staff and we frequently have many candidates. Invariably, I obtain quite a few emails asking questions concerning the function, and even that I name them to debate these questions.

I’m joyful to answer a easy factual query not adequately answered within the job advert (say, is hybrid work an choice, anticipated journey time, and so on.) and for a extremely specialised function with few related candidates I’d even be open for extra pre-interview dialogue. Nonetheless, largely we rent generalist entry- to mid-level workers from a comparatively massive pool of doable candidates, and the questions posed are both kind of pointless/already described within the job advert or in-depth questions I might solely need to talk about whereas interviewing candidates. As has been talked about in your web site earlier than, it’s not often well-qualified candidates that do that, and I truthfully don’t need to spend time on unqualified candidates aside from the screening.

What I’m missing is a well mannered response to these reaching out with overly detailed questions. I need to defend our group’s picture, and a poor candidate for this job could also be a superb candidate for an additional job, maybe later of their profession, so I don’t need to come off as impolite or too inflexible. Do you’ve got any solutions for such a response?

Yeah, in my expertise, the overwhelming majority of people that do that aren’t contacting you as a result of there’s one thing essential they should know earlier than they resolve whether or not to use, however as a result of they need to attempt to pitch themselves and make a connection that they assume will give their utility a lift. (In fact, make sure that your advert actually does have sufficient data in it, however you’ll be able to have probably the most informative advert on this planet and also you’ll nonetheless get these calls.) I agree it’s completely different if you’re hiring for a hard-to-fill, specialised function — however the remainder of the time it’s sometimes a greater use of your time to steer individuals to the precise hiring course of that you just’ve established for both sides to be taught extra concerning the different.

I typically use language like this when a candidate sends over questions that will be impractical to reply over e-mail (whether or not as a result of there are such a lot of or as a result of it doesn’t make sense to delve into them in depth at this stage): “It might be powerful to do justice to those questions in an e-mail, however we’ll make loads of time to debate them intimately if we transfer ahead to an interview. So in the event you’re , I’d encourage you to use and we will go from there.”

Or in the event that they’re simply asking for a cellphone name for obscure causes: “Had been you considering of throwing your hat into the ring for one in all our open positions? If that’s the case, I’d encourage you to try this as a primary step. We get an amazing quantity of curiosity for our openings and we’ve discovered that one of the best ways to get to know individuals and discover the chances is to steer them to the method we’ve created.” And even, “As a result of we get a excessive quantity of curiosity in our open positions, we’re not usually capable of arrange calls exterior of our hiring course of. However I encourage you to throw your hat within the ring and we will take it from there!”

Caveat: be sure that your utility course of isn’t time-intensive. Should you’re requesting extra up-front funding than only a resume and canopy letter, it’s going to alienate individuals in the event you additionally decline to reply any questions first.

3. Do I would like to purchase my coworkers presents in the event that they purchased me presents?

I work for a big firm and this yr relocated to one in all our satellite tv for pc places of work in a special metropolis. The small workplace has about 20 workers, none of whom work in my division (all my coworkers who I work with are primarily based at headquarters). Regardless that we don’t work collectively, I typically chat with my “cubicle neighbors” to move the time, and whereas we aren’t tremendous shut, we’ve gotten to know one another. Many individuals right here have labored collectively a few years and so some have close-knit friendships exterior of labor. I choose to maintain work and my private life separate, so I’m not making an attempt to turn into shut past an amicable work relationship.

We had an workplace vacation social gathering for the 20 of us, and there was a “white elephant” reward trade, which I participated in. (Everybody brings a present, you decide from the pile or can “steal” and so on.)

Within the days after that, the 5 individuals who sit closest to me, who I do know greatest, gave me separate presents. Nothing extravagant – issues that in all probability price $10-$15. I assumed this was very candy, however I used to be stunned. I’ve labored in company jobs for a couple of decade and have by no means obtained a vacation reward from a coworker, exterior of the occasional reward exchanges for the entire workplace – and this yr, I’ve obtained 5! Nobody on my precise staff (primarily based at headquarters) received me a present, both this yr or in previous years after we labored in the identical workplace. I’ve puzzled if it’s only a cultural distinction – whereas we’re a big firm, this workplace has a extra of a “small firm” really feel as a result of workplace dimension.

Do I’ve any obligation to purchase presents in return? I don’t actually need to; it looks like a trouble to consider one thing for everybody, and I don’t need to set the expectation that I’ll purchase presents for a number of individuals yearly (particularly once I already take part within the reward trade), and it appears odd to purchase my “workplace neighbors” presents however not my precise coworkers. I believe that is cheap however am I committing a social fake pas purchase not getting them presents in return?

Nah. It very seemingly is a cultural distinction as a result of small workplace dimension, however you’re not obligated to offer presents again. You may do new yr’s playing cards in the event you’d really feel higher doing one thing (or may try this subsequent yr if you need), however so long as you thank them warmly for what they gave you, you don’t must reciprocate if it’s not your factor.

4. An remark about updates

I’ve seen over time {that a} good variety of updates contain somebody in the end leaving the job they had been writing about. Do you assume that’s as a result of writing the letter to you is the catalyst for individuals to understand it’s time to maneuver on no matter your reply?

I’ve had one thing comparable occur with a relationship (the place telling a pal out loud that I wasn’t joyful made me notice the reply was to interrupt up reasonably than proceed to be sad) so it appears believable that it could be the identical for job relationships.

It’s a superb query! I do assume that always by the point somebody is moved to put in writing in, the state of affairs is unhealthy sufficient that they’d seemingly begin interested by leaving anyway. Nevertheless it’s additionally true that the act of writing out your query can make clear the state of affairs for you — and generally that may imply that you just notice how unhealthy it’s, or that the one actual answer is to depart. (And I’ve heard from a variety of individuals who say, “The act of writing my letter made me notice what you’ll say, so I didn’t even must ship it to you.”)

Different occasions, although, it’s simply regular skilled churn — generally individuals depart for causes that aren’t related to the state of affairs they wrote about. Or it’s related in a much less apparent means — like that what they wrote about was actually the tip of the iceberg, and there have been a bunch of different issues there that ended up making them flee, past what we heard about within the letter.

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